[Dialogue] In Praise of Unruly Women

[Del Morrill]

IN PRAISE OF UNRULY WOMEN
By Arianna Huffington

Teresa Heinz Kerry is a breath of fresh air, so why are the media choking on
it?

Almost every story about her these days includes at least one snarky remark
- usually attacking her for her refusal to endlessly regurgitate the same
preapproved talking points.

According to the chattering class, Heinz Kerry is - and I quote - "too
outspoken," "too opinionated," "slightly zany," "eccentric and
unpredictable," "the queen of direct" and - cover your ears, kids - "says
what she thinks, when she thinks it."

In other words, she's an unconventional straight shooter. The horror!

(Reporters also seem to have a big problem with her hair, which has
variously been described as "unkempt," "unruly," "humidity-frizzed,"
"voluminous" and "expensively colored a rich auburn" - but that's follicle
fodder for another column.)

Even Maureen Dowd, no slouch herself in the independent-thinking department,
felt compelled to write not one but two columns in the course of 10 days
slamming Teresa for, among other things, being "flaky."

You gotta love this about our media mavens: They are constantly bemoaning
the lack of forthrightness in our pubic figures - the vast majority of whom
wouldn't know a straight answer if it bit them in the butt. But when they
are finally presented with someone who doesn't (pardon the expression) beat
around the bush, they start sharpening the long knives.

They're like a bunch of little kid s who have gotten so used to being fed
nothing but vanilla ice cream for dessert that a serving of Rocky Road with
some sprinkles on top leaves them sputtering and crying, "Yuck!"

Most of the American public, on the other hand, possess a far more developed
and discerning palate - and can appreciate more complex and piquant flavors.

And when it comes to spicing up the political dessert tray, Teresa Heinz
Kerry is one of the most flavorful and compelling public figures to hit the
national stage in decades.

When I first met her in Washington in 1980, she was a very popular
Republican wife, with views very similar to the ones she holds today. Now
she's a Democratic wife, a philanthropist who oversees a foundation that
gives tens of millions to causes like the environment, healthcare and early
education, a loving mother, grandmother and stepmother. She grew up in
Mozambique, went to college in South Africa where she marched against
apartheid, is fluent in five languages, and learned so much about medicine
from her oncologist father that friends and family have nicknamed her "Dr.
T."

And unlike most politicians, she has a natural gift for intimacy and
interacts with campaign crowds of 5,000 as if she were sitting around
chatting with a small group of friends.

Yes, she is indeed unabashedly open with her opinions on everything from the
war in Iraq ("I would never have gone to war this way") to George Bush
("fazed by complexity") to Botox treatments (she's had them).

But isn't that what we claim to want from those in public life? Or are we
comfortable with authenticity only when it's a contrivance manufactured to
appear authentic?

"I am the product of living in dictatorships," Teresa has said. "It makes
you cherish the ability to be yourself, to have feelings and to speak them
when asked. People say I'm blunt. I say, 'No, just honest.'"

It's this honesty that has led the media to brand her with the scarlet "O"
for offbeat - a caricature given national credence by a Newsweek cover that
trumpeted: "Is John Kerry's Heiress Wife a Loose Cannon or Crazy Like a
Fox?"

It was character assassination by headline - especially since the cover line
was not in any way reflective of the story inside, which painted Heinz Kerry
as warm, smart, alive, funny, and, yes, brutally honest.

It's hard to imagine that headline - which was, incidentally, written by a
man - being used to describe a man. As Marlo Thomas once said: "A man has to
be Joe McCarthy to be called ruthless. All a woman has to do is put you on
hold."

We may have come a long way, baby, but there is no doubt that there is still
a double standard when it comes to women in politics - especially political
wives - who are supposed to be smart but not so smart that they're
threatening, and strong but not so strong that they are intimidating.

It's a high-wire tightrope act, one that's almost impossible to pull off to
the political media's satisfaction. And this at a time when girl power is
blossoming in other parts of our culture, especially sports and
entertainment. Last week's Olympic Trials featured women going faster,
higher, stronger than ever before. And our movie screens are filled with
indomitable, determined women like "Kill Bill's" Beatrix Kiddo or Keira
Knightley's kick-ass Guinevere in the new "King Arthur."

But try to apply these attributes to politics and the media start acting
like it's 1958 - they suddenly don't know how to handle smart, accomplished,
complex women. Judy Dean wasn't glamorous or supportive enough, Hillary was
too smart and too strong, and Teresa is too loose-lipped and too
unpredictable.

So it really isn't much of a surprise that the political wife the media seem
most comfortable with is Laura Bush, who has chosen to take on the image of
the perfect 1950s sitcom housewife. She's the Harriet Nelson of first
ladies, the quintessential deferential spouse, praised by her husband for
not "trying to butt in and always, you
know, compete" and lauded by the media for her ability "to balance strength
and subservience." I guess I missed the moment where subservience became a
virtue.

When Laura Bush was asked what advice she'd given her twin daughters before
sending them out this summer to campaign for their father, she replied:
"Stand up straight and keep your hair out of your eyes." Words to live by -
if you're Marabel Morgan. Somehow I don't think those are the same words of
wisdom Teresa Heinz Kerry passed on to her stepdaughters before they hit the
hustings. (From Del to those who may not know, a husting is an early
platform on which candidates for the English parliament formerly stood to
address the electors.)

Both Teresa and Laura are scheduled to deliver primetime speeches at their
respective party conventions. The contrast between the two - and what this
contrast says about the men in their lives - should be stark. Out on the
campaign trail, Teresa is given to in-depth discussions about health care
and global warming. Laura tends to say things like: "I'm not privy to the
policy disputes. I'm not over there at the table where everyone is
actually formulating specific policy." Heaven forbid. 

"We need to honor women in all their complexity," Teresa Heinz Kerry told
me. "It's time that we acknowledge the wisdom women have acquired by
managing the chaos of daily life. Women are realists, the glue that holds
society together. They bring a reverence to life that's instinctual, not
just intellectual."

Thirty-eight million women didn't vote in 2000, many of them because they
were so disgusted with our inauthentic politics-as-usual. If even a small
percentage of them turn out this November, they could very well end up
deciding the election and the direction of the country.

So I propose that we turn on its ear the traditional good-old-boy political
litmus test - which candidate would you rather have a beer with? Instead,
let's ask the women of America: which candidate's wife would you rather have
a cup of coffee with?

© 2004 ARIANNA HUFFINGTON.
www.ariannaonline.com <http://www.ariannaonline.com> 
DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICES, INC.



Del Hunter Morrill, M.S., Counseling Hypnotherapist
Author of the GREAT ESCAPES script books
and the NEW BEGINNINGS recording series

TRANSITIONS, a Center for Counseling &  Hypnosis
and home of New Beginnings Publishing
Located in Tacoma, Washington USA
(253) 383-5757; (888) 663-5757 (toll free)
delmorrill at hypnocenter.com, http://www.hypnocenter.com 

"If you believe, you can, you will.  Have confidence in  your abilities,
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