[Dialogue] 20 Things you have to believe to be a Republican today.

Len Hockley lenh at efn.org
Fri Sep 10 13:18:30 EDT 2004


20 Things you have to believe to be a Republican today.

1.      Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary 
Clinton.

2.      Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a 
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for 
your recovery.

3.      The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our 
highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

4.      Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money 
but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

5.      "Standing Tall for America'" means firing your workers and moving 
their jobs to India.

6.      A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but 
multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind 
without regulation.

7.      The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in 
speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

2.      Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday rim 
for governor of California as a Republican.

9.      If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

10.     A good way to tight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, 
then demand their cooperation and money.

11.     HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

12.     Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing 
health care to all Americans is socialism.

13.     Global worming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but 
creationism should be taught in schools.

14, Saddam was a good guy when Reagan aimed him, a bad guy when Bush's 
daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a 
bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

15.A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable 
offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands 
die is solid defense policy.

16.     Government should limit itself to the powers named in the 
Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

17.     The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but 
George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

18.     You support states' rights, which means Attorney General Jobn 
Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to 
adopt.

19.     What Bill Clinton did in the l960s is of vital national interest, 
but what Bush did in the 'SOs is irrelevant,

20.     Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but 
trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

Feel free to pass these on. If you don't send them to at least ten other 
people, we're likely to be stuck with Bush for 4 more years.

Please excuse the partisanship but I couldn't resist this.

Len Hockley


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