[Dialogue] Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary to the Stanfields

[Brian Stanfield]

Dear Margaret and all,

Thank you to all for the delightful birthday and anniversary wishes.
Margaret you ask how we celebrate two events on the same day.  We always
celebrate both but sometimes we emphasize one more than the other.  We had a
big celebration for our 25th and 30th.  We did a large 70th birthday
celebration For Brian. And yes they were often right in the middle of
research assemblies.  A couple of times we celebrated with the Lanphears and
Pattersons which was a real treat.  It took us a few years to know that our
anniversaries were on the same date. The same year with Pattersons- they in
Canada, we in Australia.

This year we celebrated both our 35th and Brian's 74th in our living room
with the Robins, Oakleys , a care worker, Amanda Heally, and Tricia, a
neighbor who lives across from the Robins.  Amanda has become a partner in
caring for Brian.  She began giving him showers the first week he came home
from the hospital and has become a real friend.

A lovely chocolate, whipcream and raspberry jam cake, spicey savories from
the Chinese shop and champagne were the order of the day. A large bouquet of
flowers from my brothers in Illinois were an extra treat.

Brian sat in his comfortable lift chair and participated fully- including
Champagne.  

In April I didn't think we would be able to celebrate our 35th so I found
myself totally grateful for this "miraculous event".

We take every day as it comes- some days Brian is set on an outing- to the
sea or a movie, the bookstore at the mall, or a visit to the Robins and then
we'd better get moving quickly!  Music, meditation and books with wonderful
photographs are very important to each day. Two photo displays of colleagues
>From around the world are next to Brian-his global community.  Some days he
sleeps most of the day.  He has had a lot of difficulty with low sodium- the
doctor keeps changing his medications to see what can be done.  When sodium
gets low, Brian's coordination goes.  Other times he can walk with his
walker with a steady hand behind him.  We are still focused on physical
healing and strength.  Swallowing is also a challenge and requires
concentration.  His communication abilities are limited but fluent sentences
emerge every once in a while and he asks folks on target direct questions,
an art many of you have probably experienced over the years!

The sea cares for me.  Even if a careworker comes in for a half hour to give
Brian a shower, I am off to the sea for refreshment and distance.  The sea
never ceases to amaze and connect me with the rest of the planet.  My lower
back is my biggest vulnerability so I have to give it considerable attention
to make sure I am able to continue caring for Brian at home.  My niece Emily
spent two months with us and helped me to bring Brian home for which I am
very grateful.  Now the many home care services available to us and our
colleagues give courage and comfort.  A sister and priest from the nearby
Catholic church come regularly with annointing rituals and communion so we
are cared for from many places.  When Brian came home we did a house church
at the Robins.  I continue to work from home with ICA Australia on their
facilitation training modules.  Right now we are focused on module 6 which
aims to share foundational wisdom under TOP methods.  "Old hands from across
Australia" are working on this one.

Grace and Peace,
Jeanette Stanfield

aiseayew

> Dear Brian and Jeanette, et al.,
> 
> Which birthday, Brian?  Which anniversary, Jeanette?
> 
> I seem to recollect that many a year we were hot and heavy into summer
> research programs and your Fourth of July birthday and anniversary got
> overlooked or extended your capacities for delayed gratification with
> celebration much after the fact.
> 
> I decided to send this to the whole dialogue so that any and all who have
> always marked this day as simply the birthday of the United States could join
> me in awareness of this as Brian's own personal particular day and your
> anniversary as well.  I have rather always wondered how this really works,
> Jeanette, to have your husband's birthday and your anniversary the same day.
> Does it mean you get to horn in on his perks or that you celebrate doubly to
> safeguard the significance of both?  I hope the latter.
> 
> You are still both in my prayers and at times as the energy travels your way I
> feel the confluence with others thinking of you, praying for the journey and
> if I recognize them, they are always from this list.  That may indicate that
> in addition to wanting to delight in your answers to the standard birthday
> questions, any update you have to share would be welcome.
> 
> Blessings on you both and on your special day,
> Margaret
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