[Dialogue] Those Republican Jokers

Fri Feb 10 11:31:15 EST 2006

AlterNet

Those Republican Jokers

By Molly Ivins, AlterNet
Posted on February 8, 2006, Printed on February 10, 2006
http://www.alternet.org/story/31950/

I like to think that Republicans are having fun. They're such cards. What a
wheeze, what a jape. Talking about energy independence in the State of the
Union Address! President Bush said, "America is addicted to oil" and, we
will "break this addiction." Oh what a good trick to see if anyone thought
he actually meant it!

I'm not going to embarrass the perennial suckers who fell for it by
identifying them, but I assure you they include some well-known names in
journalism. Boy, I bet they feel like fools, having written those optimistic
columns pointing to how Bush had made a fine proposal -- cut oil imports
from the Middle East by 75 percent by 2025 -- and people should take it
seriously and stop dissing him.

Of course, the next day the administration trotted out Energy Secretary Sam
Bodman and Alan Hubbard, director of the president's National Economic
Council, to assure us the president didn't mean it. Bodman explained, "That
was purely an example."

A 'for instance.' Like, we could set a goal like that. Actually, we could do
that without breaking a sweat: set fuel efficiency standards at 40 miles per
gallon in 10 years (hybrids already get higher mileage now), and you save
2.5 million barrels a day, just what we import now from the Mideast.

According to Knight Ridder, "Asked why the president used the words 'the
Middle East' when he didn't really mean them, one administration official
said Bush wanted to dramatize the issue in a way that 'every American
sitting out there listening to the speech understands.' The official spoke
only on condition of anonymity because he feared that his remarks might get
him into trouble."

Aw. Let's see, Bush lied so "every American sitting out there listening to
the speech understands." It's our fault. We're so dumb, if he doesn't lie,
we don't get it. Of course, those sophisticates who pay attention to stuff
like the budget, where they decide how to spend the money, were already
aware that the $150 million (a truly pitiful amount by Washington standards)
Bush promised would go to making biofuels more competitive is $50 million
less than what was in last year's budget for that purpose.

But, you are not to assume that Bush has given up on the Dick Cheney plan to
drill our way to energy independence just because he didn't mention it in
his speech. Last month, the Department of Interior released a plan that will
open 590,000 acres in Alaska's Western Arctic Reserve for drilling. The land
has been protected for decades.

The head of the Natural Resources Defense Council's Alaska Project, Chuck
Clusen, said: 

"Scientists, sportsmen and conservation groups all agree we should protect
the last 13 percent of the most sensitive habitat in the Western Arctic's
Northeast area. Eighty-seven percent was already open. The Bureau of Land
Management decided to hand all of it over to the oil companies. . We can
drill every last acre of wilderness, and it won't make us any more secure.
We only have 3 percent of the world's oil, and the Middle East has 66
percent. Do the math. We can't drill our way to energy independence."

What a good joke.

And this guy Boehner, John Boehner, the new Republican majority leader,
elected because of Tom DeLay's unfortunate indictment, what a gagster this
guy is, what a zany madcap. He ran as a reform candidate! Har, har, har,
har! This is a guy who's up to his neck in the K Street Project, in which
conservative lobbyists and politicians walk hand-in-hand. Boehner has such a
highly developed sense of ethics, he once distributed checks from the
tobacco lobby on the floor of the House of Representatives.

But now that he's been elected, it's time to get serious, and Boehner has
already backed away from Speaker Dennis Hastert's proposal to actually ban
(gasp!) gifts and trips from lobbyists. Boehner figures it's enough just to
report them. That'll take care of everything.

I tell you, this bunch of cut-ups just keeps the fun coming. Just a few
weeks ago, the House of Representatives cut $16 billion from Medicaid over
10 years, which means states will increase co-payments on poor people and
drop preventive care -- which will cost more in the long run, but what the
hey? They also cut $12.7 billion in student aid and loan programs over five
years, because who needs that? And cut another $1.5 billion in child support
enforcement in the next year, which is positively brilliant and will result
in a drop of at least $8.4 billion in child support collected over the next
10 years. Oh, and a measly cut of $577 million in foster care over five
years, making it harder to take care of neglected and abused children, who
probably did something to deserve it in the first place.

Now here's a little howler: Bush proposes cutting $36 billion from Medicare
over the next five years only . wait for it . he's not cutting the money,
he's saving it! A $36 billion Medicare savings. That's so clever. 

Molly Ivins writes about politics, Texas and other bizarre happenings. 

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