[Dialogue] With Ineptitude on Full Display, the Party's Over for Republicans

[Harry Wainwright]

Published on Thursday, June 8 2006 by the Baltimore Sun
<http://www.baltimoresun.com>  

With Ineptitude on Full Display, the Party's Over for Republicans 

by Garrison Keillor

 

People who live in mud huts should not throw mud, especially if it comes
from their own roofs. As Scripture says, don't point to the speck in your
neighbor's eye when you have a piece of kindling in your own. 

I see by the papers that the Republicans want to make an issue of Nancy
Pelosi in the congressional races this fall: Would you want a San Francisco
woman to be speaker of the House? 

Will the podium be repainted in lavender stripes with a disco ball overhead?
Will she be borne into the chamber by male dancers with glistening torsos
and wearing pink tutus? After all, in the unique worldview of old elephants,
"San Francisco" is a code word for "g-a-y," and after assembling a record of
government lies, incompetence and disaster, the party in power hopes that
the fear of g-a-y-s will pull it through in November. 

Running against Ms. Pelosi, a woman who comes from a district where there
are known gay persons, is a nice trick, but it does draw attention to the
large shambling galoot who is speaker now, Tom DeLay's enabler for years, a
man who, judging by his public mutterances, is about as smart as most high
school wrestling coaches. 

For the past year, Dennis Hastert has been two heartbeats from the
presidency. He is a man who seems content just to have a car and driver and
three square meals a day. He has no apparent vision beyond the urge to hang
onto power. He has succeeded in turning Congress into a branch of the
executive branch. If Mr. Hastert becomes the poster boy for the Republican
Party, this does not speak well for them as the Party of Ideas. 

People who want to take a swing at San Francisco should think twice. Yes,
the Irish coffee at Fisherman's Wharf is overpriced, and the bus tour of
Haight-Ashbury is disappointing (where are the hippies?), but the Bay Area
is the cradle of the computer and software industry, which continues to
create jobs for our children. 

The iPod was not developed by Baptists in Waco. There may be a reason for
this. Creative people thrive in a climate of openness and tolerance, since
some great ideas start out sounding ridiculous. 

Creativity is a key to economic progress. Authoritarianism is stifling. I
don't believe that Mr. Hewlett and Mr. Packard were gay, but what's
important is: In San Francisco, it doesn't matter so much. When the cultural
Sturmbannfuhrers try to marshal everyone into straight lines, it has
consequences for the economic future of this country. 

Meanwhile, the Current Occupant goes on impersonating a president. Somewhere
in the quiet leafy recesses of the Bush family, somebody is thinking, "Wrong
son. Should've tried the smart one." 

This one's eyes don't quite focus. Five years in office and he doesn't have
a grip on it yet. You stand him up next to Tony Blair at a press conference
and the comparison is not kind to Our Guy. Historians are starting to place
him at or near the bottom of the list. And one of the basic assumptions of
American culture is falling apart: the competence of Republicans. 

You might not have always liked Republicans, but you could count on them to
manage the bank. They might be lousy tippers, act snooty, talk through their
noses, wear spats and splash mud on you as they race their Pierce-Arrows
through the village, but you knew they could do the math. 

To see them produce a ninny and then follow him loyally into the swamp for
five years is disconcerting, like seeing the Rolling Stones take up lite
jazz. So here we are at an uneasy point in our history, mired in a costly
war and getting nowhere, a supine Congress granting absolute power to a
president who seems to get smaller and dimmer, and the best the GOP can
offer is San Franciscophobia? This is beyond pitiful. This is violently
stupid. 

t is painful to look at your father and realize the old man should not be
allowed to manage his own money anymore. This is the discovery the country
has made about the party in power. They are inept. The checkbook needs to be
taken away. They will rant, they will screech, they will wave their canes at
you and call you all sorts of names, but you have to do what you have to do.

Garrison Keillor's "A Prairie Home Companion" can be heard Saturday nights
on public radio stations across the country. 

C 2006 The Baltimore Sun 

###

 

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