[Oe List ...] Oh Canada! - 2 pieces

[Nan Grow]

You left out the warmest and most beautiful part of Canada: the west coast!
Victoria or Vancouver are to die for!
            Born Canadian, now American,  Nan Grow
----- Original Message -----
From: <LAURELCG at aol.com>
To: <Dialogue at wedgeblade.net>; <OE at wedgeblade.net>
Sent: Monday, November 08, 2004 7:10 PM
Subject: [Oe List ...] Oh Canada! - 2 pieces


> I enjoyed this.  Hope you do, too.  Jann McGuire
>
>
>
> The Democrats' guide to Canada
>
> By Tom Regan
>
> Oh Canada!
>
>
> Some Democrats, it seems, are turning their eyes towards our northern
> neighbors as they yearn for life, liberty, and the pursuit of a land
without
> Republicans. Overwhelmed by Tuesday's tsunami of red states, and the
destruction of
> their hopes for a Bush-free world, many American Democrats have talked
openly of
> pulling up stakes and heading to the Great White North.
>
>
> This has become such a recurrent theme in the last 48 hours that the
Canadian
> government felt it was necessary to issue a press release reminding people
> that moving to Canada was not like moving to Buffalo (even if it looks
somewhat
> similar) - it's another country and that means you have to do it the
> old-fashioned way. You have to earn it.
>
>
> Always eager to help my new fellow citizens learn more about my old fellow
> citizens, I've decide to write "The Democrats' Guide to Canada" to help
them
> brush up on their Canadiana before the big move.
>
>
> Pay close attention. There will be a quiz at the end.
>
>
> 1) If you plan to move to Canada, above all DO NOT move to Southern
Alberta.
> Southern Alberta is full of oil men, cowboys, cattle ranchers, etc. You'll
> think you never left Texas. It would be like deja vu all over again.
>
>
> 2) Learning the words to the Canadian national anthem is pretty tricky.
So,
> after the "Oh Canada" at the beginning, just remember these key phrases:
"Stand
> on guard for thee," "True north strong and free." Repeat them a lot and
> you'll be fine.
>
>
> 3) Canada is in mourning right now because the National Hockey League is
> taking the year off for labor reasons. (People do get too religious in
Canada, but
> only about hockey.) Be sure to dress in black, but wear a Toronto Maple
Leafs
> toque.
>
>
> 4) OK, Canadian words. A "toque"is like a watch cap, but with a pom-pom on
> top. "Pogie" is not a Russian meat pastry - it's a slang word for
unemployment
> insurance. You don't sit on a couch, you sit on a "chesterfield." You
don't
> chow down on a gyro, you gobble a "donair." You don't say President Bush,
you say
> "that moron." (Actually said outloud by the top press assistant to the
former
> PM Jean Chretien two years ago. She "resigned" after the remark.)
>
>
> 5) If you want to live in a place near the ocean, move to Nova Scotia. If
you
> cherish flat land, try Saskatchewan. If you want urban industrialization,
go
> to Ontario. If you want a certain joie de vivre, Quebec is calling you. If
you
> want someplace warm ... well ... there's always ... or maybe ... how about
> ... on second thought, just stay in the US.
>
>
> 6) In Canada, if you call someone a "policy wonk," people will think
you're
> talking about a slightly deranged life insurance salesman. The idea that
> someone may know too much about something important is an idea that is
foreign to
> most Canadians.
>
>
> 7) You can say nice things about the United Nations and not one stone will
be
> thrown at you. By anyone.
>
>
> 8) Buy a snow shovel. In fact, buy a six pack.
>
>
> 9) In Canada, a New Democrat has nothing to do with the south or any kind
of
> moderation. New Democrats in Canada are the on the far left. And a liberal
may
> not be a liberal, because he or she may be Liberal. And a Liberal may be a
> conservative. But that doesn't mean he or she is a Conservative. In
Canada, a
> Liberal may be a liberal, a conservative or even a moderate. Got it
straight?
>
>
> You see, in Canada, you can completely change your political stance just
by
> capitalizing a letter.
>
>
> 10) Don't forget to add "eh" to the end of every sentence, eh?
>
>
> 11) Learn everything you can about curling ... and I'm not talking about
hair
> dressing, OK.
>
>
> 12) If somebody bumps into you, you need to say excuse me. It just works
that
> way.
>
>
> 13) In Saskatechewan, all conversations start with "So..." In Nova Scotia,
> everything is "right some good."
>
>
> 14) Toronto is the New York of Canada. Say bad things about Toronto
anywhere
> else in Canada and you will be welcomed with open arms.
>
>
> 15) A real key to being a good Canadian is that while you are in Canada,
you
> never talk about what a great country it is, but the moment you go outside
its
> borders (especially to the US) you never shut up about it.
>
>
>
> (I was only kidding about the quiz. The last thing Canadians like to do is
> embarrass people.)
>
>
> Okay, you Dems. Wagons, ho! North we go. And don't forget your toques.
>
> (Here's another one --Jann)
>
>
>
> O Canada, we plead to cede to thee
>
>
> By HOWARD GENSLER
>
>
>
>
> ADOPT US, O Canada!
>
>
> As a blue-red split continues in the Divided States of America, we note
that
>
> every blue state is contiguous to Canada or to a another blue state that
is
>
> contiguous to Canada, except Hawaii - that's not contiguous to anything
but
>
> a lot of blue water that's contiguous to Canada.
>
>
> Therefore, we've got an idea. How about a sort of second American
>
> Revolution, Canada, in which you annex all the blue states, liberate us
from
>
> King George, and thus become the world's sole superpower.
>
>
> What Canada Gets:
>
>
> * Higher education: All eight Ivy League universities, Stanford, U.
Chicago
>
> and Northwestern all just lowered their admissions standards for the kids
>
> from Saskatchewan.
>
>
>
>
>
>
<http://www.philly.com/mld/dailynews/10094849.htm?template=contentModules/pr
>
> intstory.jsp#graphic> WHAT IT WOULD LOOK LIKE:
>
>
> A Daily News Graphic
>
>
> * Serious sports: Forget the Super Bowl. With the Eagles, Patriots,
>
> Steelers, Jets, Vikings and Packers, the Grey Cup is where it's at.
>
>
> You get the Expos back as they're now in D.C. But who needs the Expos when
>
> you've got the Red Sox, Yankees, Twins, Mariners, Giants, Dodgers, Angels,
>
> Padres, Phillies and Pirates. The World Series is coming! The World Series
>
> is coming!
>
>
> The Raptors are Canada's favorite basketball team? We don't think so.
>
>
> What about Flyers-Maple Leafs? Flyers-Canadiens? Settle the strike and
drop
>
> the puck.
>
>
> * Warm-weather vacations: Sun yourselves whenever you want in Southern
>
> California or Hawaii at Canada's beautiful beaches.
>
>
> * The cultural arts: Tourists will love Canada's museums including the
>
> Smithsonian, the Museum of Natural History and the Philadelphia Museum of
>
> Art. Plus, in addition to Broadway, the Kennedy Center and top regional
>
> theater, we're throwing in our best orchestras - Philadelphia, Boston,
>
> Chicago and L.A.
>
>
> * The entertainment industry: You already love our movies and TV shows
more
>
> than those red-staters and now when that rare production shoots in
>
> California or New York instead of Vancouver or Toronto, you still get
credit
>
> for the jobs and the tax revenue.
>
>
> * The automobile industry: Ohio can keep its Honda plant. GMs, Fords and
>
> Chryslers are made in Canada.
>
>
> * The biotech industry: With many of the world's top biotech firms located
>
> in Massachusetts, New York, Washington and California (thanks to $6
billion
>
> in new stem cell research funding), it's likely that Canadian scientists
>
> will cure cancer and heart disease within the next 50 years.
>
>
> * The computer industry: That's right, we keep Microsoft, Apple,
>
> Hewlett-Packard and Silicon Valley. "America" gets Dell.
>
>
> * A burgeoning tourist industry: You've now got a lot more to sell than
>
> Toronto, the Cabot Trail and the glaciers in Banff. Even red-staters love
to
>
> visit Atlantic City, the Liberty Bell, Maui, the Space needle and
Disneyland
>
> (now Disney Canada).
>
>
> * Fresher produce: Canada, the artichoke, garlic and strawberry capital of
>
> the world. And Canadian wines just got a whole lot tastier.
>
>
> * Arnold Schwarzenegger: He can't be president but he'd make a swell
>
> Canadian premier.
>
>
> What the Red-Staters get:
>
>
> * Exactly what they want.
>
>
> What Blue-Staters get:
>
>
> * Canadian citizenship: And we don't even have to move.
>
>
> * "O, Canada": A national anthem that's much easier to sing than "The Star
>
> Spangled Banner."
>
>
> * Free flu shots. (Not to mention free health care.)
>
>
> You don't like our "values," red-staters, you've got your wish - we're
outta
>
> here.
>
>
> But remember, the next time you want to see a Broadway show, visit wine
>
> country, Hawaii or the birthplace of liberty, don't just bring your Visa
>
> card, bring your visa.
>
>
> You're in Canada now. And we're tightening our borders.
>
>
> Don't delay, Canada. This offer expires in four years. graphic
>
>
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> OE mailing list
> OE at wedgeblade.net
> http://wedgeblade.net/mailman/listinfo/oe_wedgeblade.net