[Oe List ...] Terry's Memorial Witness by David Dunn

[Harry Wainwright]

Colleagues, this came to the OE list from David as an attachment. For those
of you who did not open the attachment here it is as part of this e-mail.
Peace, Harry 
  _____  


Terry and I met at Iliff during his final year there in 1964-'65, but by
1970, I had returned to Michigan and Terry had joined the staff of the
Institute of Cultural Affairs. I was only vaguely aware of his whereabouts
and activities.

 

Recently I learned that in 1970, Terry took a 'round-the-world trip that ICA
colleagues called a 'Global Odyssey.' It was like an Elder Hostel tour whose
purpose was to experience other peoples, cultures, and religions. For many,
it was an enlightening and deepening experience.

 

For reasons beyond my knowing, however, Terry was more vulnerable than most
and shortly after returning from the global odyssey, he had his first
psychotic episode. It seems, in retrospect, that the immensity of the world
and the intensity of the suffering he had witnessed, tore a jagged hole in
his psyche.

 

All of us are vulnerable. Most of us have had moments when we feared coming
unhinged. But one way or the other, most of us find a way to cope with that
raw awareness of human suffering amidst the beauty and wonder of this world.
Still, care and anxiety remain a part of life.

 

When Burna and I married-five years after Terry's global odyssey-both of us
were anxious about the struggles that we supposed would be a part of our
life journey. We searched for an inspiring symbol for our marriage at the
Art Institute of Chicago.

 

We came across an image of Jacob wrestling with an angel whom he refused to
release until he had been given a blessing-the familiar image from Genesis
32. This image resonated deeply. I think it gave us courage and permission
to marry and has been a meaningful symbol ever since.

 

Learning how profoundly shaken Terry had been by his experience of the
suffering in the world, and just recently connecting his experience, this
family symbol, and the story of Jacob wrestling with the angel, I've begun
to see Terry's life in a new light.

 

I believe that Terry's fragile 30-year old self was overwhelmed by the
richness of God's creation and the profound mystery of innocent human
suffering. At age 30, he didn't-like most of us didn't-have the spiritual
wherewithal to reconcile the wonder of creation and the suffering of
humanity. In the joy and pain of this world, Terry had seen God
face-to-face, and it nearly destroyed him.

 

Terry was wounded, however, not in the hip, but in the soul. I say nearly
destroyed, though, because, unlike Jacob, who wrestled with the mysterious
messenger of God until daybreak, Terry refused to cease and desist from his
wrestling for most all, as Rob has suggested, of the rest of his life. 

 

Terry was aware, I believe, that his wrestling had exacted a tangible
blessing from the Holy Mystery with whom he wrestled. He wrote in his last
Tidbits: "It has been a long time coming, a long work, to achieve a solitary
life that works, a lovely place to live, outgrowing adolescent claims and
desires, lingering over hopes long dead, being friends now with the ones
that are present, expanding my self to fill the universe each day, sharing
the wisdom that results. Humbled by the response."

 

In all its complexity and brokenness, Terry's life is a remarkable example
of courage to persist until God finally relents and offers the blessing of
his grace-if only to be released from the demands of an insistent human
being who will not otherwise let go. Terry's salvation came by grace through
faith by way of a life of hard labor of the spirit.

 

David Dunn

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