[Oe List ...] Respectful Dialogue

[jonzondo at juno.com]

Hey Group,
Jon Elizondo here (grew up in the Order 1967-1980 with other involvement 1980 to 1989).  Herman's thoughts have triggered some of my own.

 " but as indicated in my Order experience what happens is that a ruling conventionalism or charismatic leader dominates. "  

Not only that, but they were groups in the Order that we deemed second class citizens.  These people may have varied from place to place depending on the priorship.  Teenagers, in my experience, were often regarded as foot soldiers for the Order, but very rarely were they given a voice in anything UNLESS that voice mimicked the adult "consensus".  One of the reasons I left the Order was because many in the Order said one principle or value like "this decision is by consensus" and the reality was Very Different.


      "I have heard that Quakers make this work but by having unbelievably long meetings sometimes. Is it really the goal of decision-making that everyone come to agreement?"

Yes, sometimes it is very wise to have the goal to be everyone coming to agreement.  This does not always mean that a win/win solution can be found, but it does honor the process of emotional release that helps communities to grow together and not apart.  The Hopi (and other native tribes) might also sit in council for incredibly long periods to make a decision.  In this tradition, part of the reason for this was to let the voices of the next seven generations into the conversation.  Each person had a commitment to those seven generations, and that created another set of diverse perspectives to listen to, to digest, and with which to come to balance.  Both internally with each individual, and with the group as a whole.  And, there were roles to be played out too.  Like the Contrary Clown/Devil's advocate, for one example.  Understanding the medicine wheel of life helped these tribes to hold values of balance even when no human in the room was speaking from that perspective.

    " Different methods will work in different situations."

 Absolutely.

      "when there are genuine disagreements . . . like whether or not to build the new sanctuary . . . for which there may be no genuinely consensual right answer.   ..... when there is not a process that allows to speak, and equally or more important a process that enables people to listen in genuine dialogue. This is what we all strive for."

 Consensus for me is about listening and dialogue.  And it is about going outside of the box to create new win/win solutions.


 “Don’t block the consensus!”

People who go around saying "don't block the consensus "  don't know what consensus is and don't understand the commitment it takes to build consensus.

Thank you all for listening, and thank you, Herman, for sparking my brain this fine Sunday morning.

Walk in Beauty,
Jon Mark Elizondo