[Oe List ...] FW: {Disarmed} Salmon: Reflections on your earthrise

[Harry Wainwright]

From: Bill Salmon [mailto:wsalmon at cox.net] 
Sent: Monday, February 04, 2008 2:58 PM
To: sandy at mesoamerica.com
Subject: {Disarmed} Salmon: Reflections on your earthrise

 

    Thanks, Sandra, for your interesting reflections. Apparently Mother
Teresa's prayer was answered too. She prayed to be a nothing so that Christ
could be everything, and spent the last 25 some years living in the
emptiness of her soul. That puts you in good company. 

    For what it is worth -- one of the spiritual discoveries I made
rummaging around in my spiritual innards is that the dark is not all that
bad, in particular, once you've seen the light (RS-I or Academy). Anyway,
the dark is where God lives. 

    See you touched my deeps today. Thanks and journey well. I envy your
times of silence except to note that it is in the Sea of Tranquility where
we spend most of our time anyway. 

    Inner Peace. Bill Salmon

 

----- Original Message ----- 

From: Sandra Conant <mailto:sandy at mesoamerica.com>  Strachan 

To: Earthrise <mailto:earthrise at yahoogroups.com>  

Sent: Monday, February 04, 2008 10:35 AM

Subject: [earthrise] 

 

My annual Christmas gift from Harry is a silent retreat, a custom begun 4
years ago after a stressful four months with him in various hospitals
suffering from various afflictions.  At that time, I was sure I had stomach
cancer (I always think I have cancer
.), but it was just pent-up tension and
emotion. I asked for a couple of weeks at the beach and found a perfect
house on my favorite beach two hours from San José. I loaded up art
supplies, computer, yoga mat, favorite foods, etc., and was there in no
time. Each day began with a walk down the long, empty beach, and it was a
time of beautiful sunrises and sunsets, creativity, rest, silence and the
sound of the waves at night.

I just got back from 12 days there, spent again in silence, writing,
painting, journaling, resting, walking.  One of the things I’ve been asking
for in my swim meditation is “healing” and I include in that category a
request for healing of the “dark places” in my mind, soul and spirit.  Well,
folks---be careful what you pray for!  I thought I was fairly safe because I
don’t have any major traumas or overwhelming sadnesses, no hidden abuse, no
violence, nothing out of the ordinary.  But one morning on my dawn walk, I
was blindsided by a wave of memories that revealed my meanness, lack of
compassion and consideration, escapism, cowardice, deafness and blindness,
residual fury---all the elements of a life lived imperfectly.  I found
myself silently screaming, “I CAN’T START MY DAY THIS WAY!” 

I thought, “And besides---what the hell do I do with this? It’s over, done,
finished, irretrievable, unchangeable.” Then I remembered the passage from
Buechner about walking down the hallway of your memory, opening every door,
and blessing what you find inside.  And I began to think about “blessing”.
I discovered that synonyms include asking for divine favor,
sacramentalizing, consecrating, thanking.  I took those offenses, those
active “separations” from my self, others and the Ground of Being, and I
blessed them.  I gave thanks for the role each played in bringing me to this
moment.  I consecrated them, made them sacred, each one. Doing this was, I
discovered, the key to atonement, to the expiation of sin, to creating the
healing bridge between past, present and future.

I prayed for the dark places to be brought into the light with a certain
bravado.  I felt no fear.  It never occurred to me that I might not be able
to handle it.  But I’ll tell you this---there have been moments in the days
since that walk when I’ve not felt nearly so confident, when I have
seriously wondered if the darkness would overcome the light.  I’m happy to
say, “Not yet.” Nor do I believe it’s going to.  But you can bet I’ll be a
lot more humble about opening those doors again.

It’s been a fabulous experience, and that isn’t some silly “faith”
statement.  I’m glad I’m doing this when I’m healthy and happy rather than
when I’m overcome by despair, illness or impending death.  I’m glad for yet
another experience of Grace and a reinforcement of the fact that “the truth
shall set you free.”  

I had the joy and challenge of being with O:E/ICA for over twenty years in
places around the world  I wouldn’t trade for it.  I now live an equally
rich life in Costa Rica with my delightful husband, Harry.

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