[Oe List ...] Anne Lamott

[LAURELCG at aol.com]

Call to Arms

How to handle the fury brought on by this election?  Register voters, hit the 
streets, pray. 
Stop talking about her. Talk about  Obama.
By Anne Lamott

Sep. 16, 2008 | I had to leave church Sunday  morning when it turned out that 
the sermon 
was not about bearing up under  desperate circumstances, when you feel like 
you're going 
crazy because  something is being perpetrated upon you and your country that 
is so 
obscene  that it simply cannot be happening.

I sat outside a 7-11 and had a  sacramental Dove chocolate bar. Jeez: Here we 
are again. A 
man and a woman  whose values we loathe and despise -- lying, rageful and 
incompetent, 
so  dangerous to children and old people, to innocent people in every part of 
the  world -- 
are being worshiped, exalted by the media, in a position to take a  swing at 
all that is 
loveliest about this earth and what's left of our  precious freedoms.

When I got home from church, I drank a bunch of water  to metabolize the Dove 
bar and 
called my Jesuit friend, who I know hates  these people, too. I asked, "Don't 
you think God 
finds these smug egomaniacs  morally repellent? Recoils from their smugness 
as from hot  
flame?"

And he said, "Absolutely. They are everything He or She hates  in a 
Christian."

I have been in a better mood ever since, and have  decided not to even say 
this woman's 
name anymore, because she fills me with  such existential doubt, such a sense 
of 
impending doom and disbelief, that  only the Germans could possibly have 
words for it. 
Nor am I going to say the  word "lipstick" again until after the election, as 
it would only be 
used  against me. Or "polar bear," because that one image makes me sadder 
than even  
horrible old I can stand.

I hate to criticize. And I love to kill  wolves as much as the next person 
does. But this 
woman takes such pride in  her ignorance, doesn't have a doubt in the world 
about her 
messianic  calling, that it makes anyone of decency feel nauseated -- 
spiritually,  
emotionally and physically ill.

I say that with love. As we say in  Texas. (Also, we say, "Bless her heart.")

We felt this grief and nausea  during the run-up to the war in Iraq. We felt 
it after the 2004 
election.  And now we feel it again.

But since there are still six weeks until the  election, and since the stakes 
are as high as the 
sky, which should  definitely not be forced to endure four more years of the 
same, we have 
got  to get a grip. There are millions of people to register to vote, 
millions of  dollars to be 
raised. We really cannot go around feeling flat and defeated,  with the need 
to metabolize 
the rotten meat that this one particular  candidate and the media have forced 
upon us.

One of the tiny metabolic  suggestions I have to offer -- if, like me, you 
choose not to have 
her name  on your lips, like an oozy cold sore (I say that with love) -- is 
to check out a  Web 
site called the Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator. There you can find out  what 
she and her 
husband would have named you if you had been their baby. My  name, Anne, for 
instance, 
would be Krinkle Bearcat. John, her running mate,  would be named Stick 
Freedom. George 
would be Crunk Petrol. And so  on.

First of all, go find out what your own name would be. Then for one  day 
refuse to use the 
name of these people who are so damaging to earth and  to our very souls -- 
so, "I don't 
have to understand anything, it's all  fuzzy math. Trust me. I'm the 
decider." From now on, 
when working for Obama,  talk about Obama, talk about his policies, the 
issues, the 
economy, the war  in Iraq, poverty, the last eight years, Joe Biden. You 
don't have to 
mention  Crunk Petrol, or his sidekick, Shaver Razorback.

And you sure as hell  don't have to mention Claw Washout -- she is 
absolutely, hands-
down the most  ludicrous person ever to be nominated. She's a "South Park" 
character. 
There  was a mix-up. Mistakes were made.

Everything you need to know about how  to bear up during these two months is 
already 
inside you. Go within: Work on  your own emotional acre. Stand still, and 
hurt, and feel 
crazy. Then drink a  lot of water, pray, meditate, rest. Rest is a spiritual 
act. Now, I am a  
reform Christian, so it is permissible for me to secretly believe that God  
hates this woman, 
too. I heard God slam down a couple of shooters while she  was talking the 
other night.

Figure out one thing you can do every single  day to be a part of the 
solution, 
concentrating on swing states. Money,  walking precincts, registering voters, 
whatever. 
This is the only way  miracles ever happen -- left foot, right foot, left 
foot, breathe. Right  
foot, left foot, right foot, breathe. The great novelist E.L. Doctorow once  
said that writing 
a novel is like driving at night with the headlights on:  You can only see a 
little ways in 
front of you, but you can make the whole  journey this way. It is the truest 
of all things; the 
only way to write a  book, raise a child, save the world.

As my anonymous pal Krinkle Bearcat  once wrote: Laughter is carbonated 
holiness. It is 
chemo. So do whatever it  takes to keep your sense of humor. Rent Christopher 
Guest 
movies, read books  by Roz Chast and Maira Kalman. Picture Stick Freedom in 
his Batman  
underpants, having one of his episodes of rage alone in one of his seven  
bedrooms. Or 
having one of his bathroomy little conversations with Froth  Moonshine. 
(Bless their hearts.) 
Try to remember that even Karl Rove has  accused him of being a lying suck.

Reread everything Molly Ivins and Jim  Hightower ever wrote. Write down that 
great line of 
Molly's, that "Freedom  fighters don't always win, but they're always right." 
Tape it next to 
your  phone.

Call the loneliest person you know. Go flirt with the oldest  person at the 
bookstore.

Fill up a box with really cool clothes, that you  haven't worn in a year, and 
take it to a thrift 
shop. Take gray water  outside and water whatever is growing on your deck. 
This is not a 
bad  metaphor to live by. I think it is why we are here. Drink more fluids. 
And take  very 
gentle care of yourself and the people you most love: We need you now  more 
than ever.


-- By Anne Lamott




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