[Oe List ...] Anne Lamott

[cdzoll at comcast.net]

Thank you so much, Jan, for this Anne Lamott article. I was one of her earliest pastors (as an interim in her Marin City Presby. church) and have been a big fan and have read most of her books. David Zollars
  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: LAURELCG at aol.com 
  To: Oe at wedgeblade.net 
  Sent: Saturday, September 20, 2008 4:36 PM
  Subject: [Oe List ...] Anne Lamott


  Call to Arms

  How to handle the fury brought on by this election? Register voters, hit the streets, pray. 
  Stop talking about her. Talk about Obama.
  By Anne Lamott

  Sep. 16, 2008 | I had to leave church Sunday morning when it turned out that the sermon 
  was not about bearing up under desperate circumstances, when you feel like you're going 
  crazy because something is being perpetrated upon you and your country that is so 
  obscene that it simply cannot be happening.

  I sat outside a 7-11 and had a sacramental Dove chocolate bar. Jeez: Here we are again. A 
  man and a woman whose values we loathe and despise -- lying, rageful and incompetent, 
  so dangerous to children and old people, to innocent people in every part of the world -- 
  are being worshiped, exalted by the media, in a position to take a swing at all that is 
  loveliest about this earth and what's left of our precious freedoms.

  When I got home from church, I drank a bunch of water to metabolize the Dove bar and 
  called my Jesuit friend, who I know hates these people, too. I asked, "Don't you think God 
  finds these smug egomaniacs morally repellent? Recoils from their smugness as from hot 
  flame?"

  And he said, "Absolutely. They are everything He or She hates in a Christian."

  I have been in a better mood ever since, and have decided not to even say this woman's 
  name anymore, because she fills me with such existential doubt, such a sense of 
  impending doom and disbelief, that only the Germans could possibly have words for it. 
  Nor am I going to say the word "lipstick" again until after the election, as it would only be 
  used against me. Or "polar bear," because that one image makes me sadder than even 
  horrible old I can stand.

  I hate to criticize. And I love to kill wolves as much as the next person does. But this 
  woman takes such pride in her ignorance, doesn't have a doubt in the world about her 
  messianic calling, that it makes anyone of decency feel nauseated -- spiritually, 
  emotionally and physically ill.

  I say that with love. As we say in Texas. (Also, we say, "Bless her heart.")

  We felt this grief and nausea during the run-up to the war in Iraq. We felt it after the 2004 
  election. And now we feel it again.

  But since there are still six weeks until the election, and since the stakes are as high as the 
  sky, which should definitely not be forced to endure four more years of the same, we have 
  got to get a grip. There are millions of people to register to vote, millions of dollars to be 
  raised. We really cannot go around feeling flat and defeated, with the need to metabolize 
  the rotten meat that this one particular candidate and the media have forced upon us.

  One of the tiny metabolic suggestions I have to offer -- if, like me, you choose not to have 
  her name on your lips, like an oozy cold sore (I say that with love) -- is to check out a Web 
  site called the Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator. There you can find out what she and her 
  husband would have named you if you had been their baby. My name, Anne, for instance, 
  would be Krinkle Bearcat. John, her running mate, would be named Stick Freedom. George 
  would be Crunk Petrol. And so on.

  First of all, go find out what your own name would be. Then for one day refuse to use the 
  name of these people who are so damaging to earth and to our very souls -- so, "I don't 
  have to understand anything, it's all fuzzy math. Trust me. I'm the decider." From now on, 
  when working for Obama, talk about Obama, talk about his policies, the issues, the 
  economy, the war in Iraq, poverty, the last eight years, Joe Biden. You don't have to 
  mention Crunk Petrol, or his sidekick, Shaver Razorback.

  And you sure as hell don't have to mention Claw Washout -- she is absolutely, hands-
  down the most ludicrous person ever to be nominated. She's a "South Park" character. 
  There was a mix-up. Mistakes were made.

  Everything you need to know about how to bear up during these two months is already 
  inside you. Go within: Work on your own emotional acre. Stand still, and hurt, and feel 
  crazy. Then drink a lot of water, pray, meditate, rest. Rest is a spiritual act. Now, I am a 
  reform Christian, so it is permissible for me to secretly believe that God hates this woman, 
  too. I heard God slam down a couple of shooters while she was talking the other night.

  Figure out one thing you can do every single day to be a part of the solution, 
  concentrating on swing states. Money, walking precincts, registering voters, whatever. 
  This is the only way miracles ever happen -- left foot, right foot, left foot, breathe. Right 
  foot, left foot, right foot, breathe. The great novelist E.L. Doctorow once said that writing 
  a novel is like driving at night with the headlights on: You can only see a little ways in 
  front of you, but you can make the whole journey this way. It is the truest of all things; the 
  only way to write a book, raise a child, save the world.

  As my anonymous pal Krinkle Bearcat once wrote: Laughter is carbonated holiness. It is 
  chemo. So do whatever it takes to keep your sense of humor. Rent Christopher Guest 
  movies, read books by Roz Chast and Maira Kalman. Picture Stick Freedom in his Batman 
  underpants, having one of his episodes of rage alone in one of his seven bedrooms. Or 
  having one of his bathroomy little conversations with Froth Moonshine. (Bless their hearts.) 
  Try to remember that even Karl Rove has accused him of being a lying suck.

  Reread everything Molly Ivins and Jim Hightower ever wrote. Write down that great line of 
  Molly's, that "Freedom fighters don't always win, but they're always right." Tape it next to 
  your phone.

  Call the loneliest person you know. Go flirt with the oldest person at the bookstore.

  Fill up a box with really cool clothes, that you haven't worn in a year, and take it to a thrift 
  shop. Take gray water outside and water whatever is growing on your deck. This is not a 
  bad metaphor to live by. I think it is why we are here. Drink more fluids. And take very 
  gentle care of yourself and the people you most love: We need you now more than ever.


  -- By Anne Lamott






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