[Oe List ...] Life at Songaia and elsewhere!

[Nancy Lanphear]

Dear Ones,

This has been a week of celebration with it's laughter, tears and lotsd of
hugs.  Here at Songaia, we have gathered several times to celebrate the life
and death of our dear friend, Stan Crow.  On Saturday afternoon, our larger
Songaia community circled with stories of how Stan has impacted our lives
while he was alive and in his death. The ROP Journeys community hosted an
open house in our common house to allow us to share with others. The
sudden-ness of Stan's passing has brought us into the moment, we were
unprepared for the news.  He is missed - his words of wisdom, his cooking,
his walks around the community, his smile, his by-line - "I know you" - each
of these and more have reminded us of his unique and unrepeatable life.  We
are grateful to have known and loved him.

My mother, Eleanor Marian Hoxsie Perrin, died peacefully early on Thursday
morning, November 19th, she was 93+.  She had been ill for 2-3 weeks of
pancreatic cancer but passed away before she had pain, only mild
discomfort.  She died as she lived, WELL!  Our daughter Sandra and
grand-daughter Ilaria visited Mom with me during the week of November 7th -
14th.  ALthough she was in hospice and was suppose to be letting go, we
enjoyed two days of lively conversation and fun during the early part of our
visit.  Mom loved the sun and would sit outdoors by her home whenever she
could, even as the weather became cooler.  If there was sun to sit in, there
she was!  As Sandy and I sat by her bedside one evening as the sun was going
down in the West, Sandy moved Mom's bed to the window and slid into bed next
to her. Together we watched the sun go down.   Mom was elated!  The
following day we again moved her bed toward the setting sun and began
singing with her.  We sang together for  30 minutes or so- laughing and
crying at the same time.  The next day, we began a more quiet vigil and
continued to share stories as Mom was awake, she would then drift off to
sleep.   We said goodby on Saturday morning to return to Seattle.  I told
Mom one more time that Fred and I loved her so very much.  She smiled up at
me and said, " I love you, too and be sure to take good care of Fred".  Our
time with her was precious.   She was a wonderful MOM - the best!

Back to Songaia.  Fred is experiencing much more weakness in his arms and
more difficulty breathing.  Of course, he has the biPap machine at night and
a "sip and puff" vent on his wheel chair during the day.  If you were to ask
him how is is doing, he would say with a smile, "I can still sing"!   He was
accepted into Hospice last week.  His breathing capacity is about 30% which
makes him elegible for the hospice part of of our HMO.  This means more
visits from the home health care nurse, social worker, and who-ever else we
need.  Stan's death has been difficult for us all, Fred's identification
with his death was unique as you can imagine.   He tells with delight that
for the 3 Fridays before Stan's death, he (Stan) brought lunch to Fred while
Marilyn and I were out doing the community shopping.  During lunch they just
talked - since their usual relationship was "working" together on some
project, these last days were special,  "BEING" together.  Our children and
our larger Songaia community continue to be the best partners in our "Share
the Care" team.  They come when needed and any other time as well.  Story
telling is where it is at these days!

We will keep in touch.  You are all loved,

Nancy
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