[Oe List ...] Life at Songaia and elsewhere!

[Janice Ulangca]

Nancy,

It is in the finest tradition of O:E  to give gracious and meaningful sendouts whenever possible.  I'm glad you and your family were able to do that for your mother.  And how momentous are everyday acts (such as Stan's lunchtime visits with Fred)  during these times.  Emotions so strong as to bring pain - yet we know we would not have it any other way.  These times etch new life-channels into our souls.  You, Fred, and all at Songaia remain in my deepest thoughts. 
Janice

  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: Nancy Lanphear 
  To: Order Ecumenical Community 
  Sent: Monday, November 23, 2009 7:33 AM
  Subject: [Oe List ...] Life at Songaia and elsewhere!


  Dear Ones, 

  This has been a week of celebration with it's laughter, tears and lotsd of hugs.  Here at Songaia, we have gathered several times to celebrate the life and death of our dear friend, Stan Crow.  On Saturday afternoon, our larger Songaia community circled with stories of how Stan has impacted our lives while he was alive and in his death. The ROP Journeys community hosted an open house in our common house to allow us to share with others. The sudden-ness of Stan's passing has brought us into the moment, we were unprepared for the news.  He is missed - his words of wisdom, his cooking, his walks around the community, his smile, his by-line - "I know you" - each of these and more have reminded us of his unique and unrepeatable life.  We are grateful to have known and loved him.

  My mother, Eleanor Marian Hoxsie Perrin, died peacefully early on Thursday morning, November 19th, she was 93+.  She had been ill for 2-3 weeks of pancreatic cancer but passed away before she had pain, only mild discomfort.  She died as she lived, WELL!  Our daughter Sandra and grand-daughter Ilaria visited Mom with me during the week of November 7th - 14th.  ALthough she was in hospice and was suppose to be letting go, we enjoyed two days of lively conversation and fun during the early part of our visit.  Mom loved the sun and would sit outdoors by her home whenever she could, even as the weather became cooler.  If there was sun to sit in, there she was!  As Sandy and I sat by her bedside one evening as the sun was going down in the West, Sandy moved Mom's bed to the window and slid into bed next to her. Together we watched the sun go down.   Mom was elated!  The following day we again moved her bed toward the setting sun and began singing with her.  We sang together for  30 minutes or so- laughing and crying at the same time.  The next day, we began a more quiet vigil and continued to share stories as Mom was awake, she would then drift off to sleep.   We said goodby on Saturday morning to return to Seattle.  I told Mom one more time that Fred and I loved her so very much.  She smiled up at me and said, " I love you, too and be sure to take good care of Fred".  Our time with her was precious.   She was a wonderful MOM - the best!

  Back to Songaia.  Fred is experiencing much more weakness in his arms and more difficulty breathing.  Of course, he has the biPap machine at night and a "sip and puff" vent on his wheel chair during the day.  If you were to ask him how is is doing, he would say with a smile, "I can still sing"!   He was accepted into Hospice last week.  His breathing capacity is about 30% which makes him elegible for the hospice part of of our HMO.  This means more visits from the home health care nurse, social worker, and who-ever else we need.  Stan's death has been difficult for us all, Fred's identification with his death was unique as you can imagine.   He tells with delight that for the 3 Fridays before Stan's death, he (Stan) brought lunch to Fred while Marilyn and I were out doing the community shopping.  During lunch they just talked - since their usual relationship was "working" together on some project, these last days were special,  "BEING" together.  Our children and our larger Songaia community continue to be the best partners in our "Share the Care" team.  They come when needed and any other time as well.  Story telling is where it is at these days!  

  We will keep in touch.  You are all loved, 

  Nancy





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