[Oe List ...] Fred Lanphear's memorial service

[Nancy Lanphear]

*Celebrating the Life of Fred Lanphear*
(written by Nancy Lanphear)

It has been over a week since Fred took his last breath. So much has happen
since then, many connections through cards, emails and visits. Ritual and
ceremony has been a large part of our community and family together. Here is
a brief description of several events and an invitation to the Memorial
Service.

Thursday, 9/9/2010 - I am writing this evening not being sure how life will
be in the morning. Fred has spent the last hours with great difficulty in
breathing and realizing that his life has taken a dramatic shift. Knowing
that the end of his life was near, he spent all evening (with his bipap mask
on to aid his breathing) talking with individual family and community
members. The community sang, Fred joined in. Our family was present with the
exception of Noah (in Norway), Ilaria (in Scotland) and Rachel (in
Montreal). Ilaria and Noah were with us through Skype (webcam).

Then about 11:10, after taking his usual sleeping meds, our children and
grandchildren took Fred to bed. He did his regular leg exercises, counting
as usual to be sure that his care-givers were doing the correct number of
leg lifts. At 11:25, with the family by his side, Fred took his last breath
and let go of his physical body, it was a very peaceful death. Fred had
finished his work! I miss him terribly. It has been a long, difficult
journey over the last 3 years but Fred was always faithful to his decision
to accept what life had given him and to live fully within those limits.

All during Friday morning, neighbors came by either to hold me and/or sit
with Fred's body. By early afternoon we had the community/family gathering
where we told stories, shared tears, and reflected on Fred's life. We had
hoped to have his body in the common house but it was a difficult task
getting him there and left him with someone on watch. That evening a" vigil"
was held around his body as it lay in bed with about 35 people and two dogs
stuffed into our small bedroom. Again it was a time for singing, tears,
laughter and an incredible prayer offered by a dear friend. It was a
powerful experience of celebrating death and aliveness all at once.

We sent Fred out on Saturday noon after a processional with his body through
his beloved garden, singing as we went. There were gifts of Songaia eggs,
tomatoes, dahlias, a copy of our song book, poetry written by our
granddaughter, Ella, a note from the youngest grandchild, Matthew,
announcing his farewell to the "best grandfather ever" (the grandfather held
the rolled note in his hand like a diploma), and more piled on Fred's
chest. Fred was dressed in a Kenyan dashiki and his grandfather blanket and
sporting a black beret from the by gone days of the 60's. The send off was a
weaving of many tears, songs and joy. After singing the Irish blessing and
Amazing Grace with dignity, we burst into New Community Bound and Harambee!
Finally, his body and "casket" made of cardboard that had been graced by
signatures, drawings and love notes from family and the community, were off
in his space ship (an image he chose at a recent elder retreat).
*Fred's* *Memorial Service*

*Place*:  Songaia Community, Bothell, WA
*Date: October 16, 2010*
*Time*:  1:00 to 4:00 pm
*Program*:  Reflections from Family, Community and Friends
Burial of Ashes
 Walking the Land
*Potluck*:  Please bring beverages and cookies to share (juice, soda, etc.)
 Veggies and fruit will be provided

*RSVP*: Please let us know if you are planning to attend and how many people
in your group.
 Reservations can be made at Fred's Memorial
Website<http://elderfred.wordpress.com/freds-memorial-service/>
 * **http://elderfred.wordpress.com/freds-memorial-service/*<http://elderfred.wordpress.com/freds-memorial-service/>

*Dress*: According to weather (umbrella and appropriate shoes if rain is
forecast)
*Parking*:    Carpool if possible, offsite parking
Please let us know if you have a disability or need assistance

*Gifts*: In lieu of gifts, donations can be made to:
 *Journeys   *www.riteofpassagejourneys.org/get-involved/donate
 *ALS Association (Fred's Folks)*  www.alsa.org/donate
 *Kirkland Congregational Church UCC*  www.kccucc.org/
 *Fellowship of Intentional Communities*
www.ic.org/in/donation.php<http://www.ic.org/in/donate.php>

*Questions*: Michelle Grandy (michelle at songaia.com or 206-321-4220)
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