[Oe List ...] Fred Lanphear's memorial service

[William Alerding]

Nancy, What a beautiful and inspiring story about Fred's final  
moments! May we all find such joy and care at our final moments. Thank  
you for sending this.

Bill and Barbara Alerding

On Sep 20, 2010, at 7:27 PM, Nancy Lanphear wrote:

> Celebrating the Life of Fred Lanphear
> (written by Nancy Lanphear)
>
> It has been over a week since Fred took his last breath. So much has  
> happen since then, many connections through cards, emails and  
> visits. Ritual and ceremony has been a large part of our community  
> and family together. Here is a brief description of several events  
> and an invitation to the Memorial Service.
>
> Thursday, 9/9/2010 - I am writing this evening not being sure how  
> life will be in the morning. Fred has spent the last hours with  
> great difficulty in breathing and realizing that his life has taken  
> a dramatic shift. Knowing that the end of his life was near, he  
> spent all evening (with his bipap mask on to aid his breathing)  
> talking with individual family and community members. The community  
> sang, Fred joined in. Our family was present with the exception of  
> Noah (in Norway), Ilaria (in Scotland) and Rachel (in Montreal).  
> Ilaria and Noah were with us through Skype (webcam).
>
> Then about 11:10, after taking his usual sleeping meds, our children  
> and grandchildren took Fred to bed. He did his regular leg  
> exercises, counting as usual to be sure that his care-givers were  
> doing the correct number of leg lifts. At 11:25, with the family by  
> his side, Fred took his last breath and let go of his physical body,  
> it was a very peaceful death. Fred had finished his work! I miss him  
> terribly. It has been a long, difficult journey over the last 3  
> years but Fred was always faithful to his decision to accept what  
> life had given him and to live fully within those limits.
>
> All during Friday morning, neighbors came by either to hold me and/ 
> or sit with Fred's body. By early afternoon we had the community/ 
> family gathering where we told stories, shared tears, and reflected  
> on Fred's life. We had hoped to have his body in the common house  
> but it was a difficult task getting him there and left him with  
> someone on watch. That evening a" vigil" was held around his body as  
> it lay in bed with about 35 people and two dogs stuffed into our  
> small bedroom. Again it was a time for singing, tears, laughter and  
> an incredible prayer offered by a dear friend. It was a powerful  
> experience of celebrating death and aliveness all at once.
>
> We sent Fred out on Saturday noon after a processional with his body  
> through his beloved garden, singing as we went. There were gifts of  
> Songaia eggs, tomatoes, dahlias, a copy of our song book, poetry  
> written by our granddaughter, Ella, a note from the youngest  
> grandchild, Matthew, announcing his farewell to the "best  
> grandfather ever" (the grandfather held the rolled note in his hand  
> like a diploma), and more piled on Fred's chest. Fred was dressed in  
> a Kenyan dashiki and his grandfather blanket and sporting a black  
> beret from the by gone days of the 60's. The send off was a weaving  
> of many tears, songs and joy. After singing the Irish blessing and  
> Amazing Grace with dignity, we burst into New Community Bound and  
> Harambee!  Finally, his body and "casket" made of cardboard that had  
> been graced by signatures, drawings and love notes from family and  
> the community, were off in his space ship (an image he chose at a  
> recent elder retreat).
>
> Fred's Memorial Service
>
> Place: 		Songaia Community, Bothell, WA
> Date:		October 16, 2010
> Time: 		1:00 to 4:00 pm
> Program: 	Reflections from Family, Community and Friends
> 			Burial of Ashes
> 			Walking the Land
> Potluck: 		Please bring beverages and cookies to share (juice, soda,  
> etc.)
> 			Veggies and fruit will be provided
>
> RSVP:		Please let us know if you are planning to attend and how many  
> people in your group.
> 			Reservations can be made at Fred's Memorial Website
> 			http://elderfred.wordpress.com/freds-memorial-service/
>
> Dress:		According to weather (umbrella and appropriate shoes if rain  
> is forecast)
> Parking:   	Carpool if possible, offsite parking
> 			Please let us know if you have a disability or need assistance
>
> Gifts:		In lieu of gifts, donations can be made to:
> 			Journeys   www.riteofpassagejourneys.org/get-involved/donate
> 			ALS Association (Fred's Folks)  www.alsa.org/donate
> 			Kirkland Congregational Church UCC  www.kccucc.org/
> 			Fellowship of Intentional Communities  www.ic.org/in/donation.php
>
> Questions:	Michelle Grandy (michelle at songaia.com or 206-321-4220)
> _______________________________________________
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